


Final Fantasy RELOAD

by Eirenei



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Saiyuki
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirenei/pseuds/Eirenei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chocobo baiting gone wrong or what happens when Sanzo meets Shin-Ra cadets who mistake him for a certain yellow-spiked teen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Saiyuki ReLoad. Nor do I own their characters; but I do own the idea and the story written therein.
> 
> Shout Out: One of my more hare brained ideas – what would happen if Sanzo ikkou were dropped into Final Fantasy VII universe. Chaos. Utter chaos. But because Sanzo and Cloud could be almost twins in terms of appearance /evil grin/, I couldn't help myself but to write the witnessing little ficlet. Plot dragons were just too persistent, tiny little buggers they were.
> 
> Warnings: AU – verse, Saiyuki madness, Sanzo being his grumpy self and cursing. And some poor cadets being mauled.

* * *

_When Chocobo Gets Teeth... Err, Gun_

* * *

At the end of the grueling day, there was no better relief for the Shin-Ra cadets than Chocobo-baiting. Or Strife baiting, to be precise.

Said Chocobo was a male – fragile looking, with an almost feminine appearance, big blue eyes, pink pouty lips and hair that resembled the feathers of a golden Chocobo.

This was Cloud Strife, the dead-last of this particular batch of cadets, yet he somehow managed to gain the interest of a rather famous First Class soldier, named Zack Fair. Or Angeal's puppy, depending on who you asked…

Meaning, Cloud deserved to be doubly-stomped into the ground, just for being acknowledged by the rather ADHD inclined, happy-go-lucky Lieutenant Fair.

Strife, despite his… bonds with Fair, was a rather easy target. Small, almost pathetically weak, and too proud for his own good. His swordsmanship was good, but not against bigger, stronger and much more aggressive opponents. His hand-to-hand was pathetic and his marksmanship was just abysmal. How in Shiva's name that country bumpkin even got into the cadet program was a mystery only the Aeons knew.

"Oi, Strife!" One of the cadets called out to their golden – haired victim. The slender back, clad in a black sleeveless skin tight silk T-shirt stiffened. "Going to have your girly season yet?" the cadet, Allis, called out, grinning. The witnesses snickered. "Lookin' mighty good in your skirt, Strifey," another one wolf – whistled mockingly. "Gettin' yer inner girl playin' out?" The tall, brunette cadet with dull gray orbs eyed Strife with a lecherous gaze.

Strife was smaller, yes, but with a slender, almost fragile frame, which was enhanced with a sleeveless black silk shirt and a creamy white skirt that covered those lovely legs quite well. The golden hair was longer somehow and differently styled.

Strife cocked his head on the side and glared at them, making them grin wider, but they didn't notice the warning sign of a vein throbbing under the man's right cheek.

"I thought you looked stupid, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt," Strife spoke out, his usually soft and meek voice now deeper and more stern, and, dare they note it? – commanding.

The cadet grumbled sulkily, much to his compatriot's amusement. "But then you just had to open your fucking mouth and prove to be even dumber than you look." Strife sneered out, his elegant face a mask of utter disdain.

Some laughed at the pissed off cadet, and some bristled at the insult.

"Ooh, he got you there, Gabe," One recruit, tall and gangly, mock – cooed out. "Strife, you know this wasn't a nice thing to say." Allis stepped toward the cadet, crackling his beefy knuckles threateningly. "What do you say, boys – shall we punish the little Chocobo?"

Droopy violet eyes narrowed as their owner's aggressor neared. "Nice, no. True, yes." Strife bit out, as he fished for something in his skirt.

"Aw, is that a pole in your skirt or are just that happy to see me?" Allis jeered, making the witnesses howl with laughter.

The golden haired man stopped. "Che. You're starting to piss me off." He grunted out, resuming his search. "And you wish."

Allis snarled at the frank answer. It seemed that his prey had decided to become … difficult.

"You are nothing but a cock-suckin' whore. I bet ya got Fair with some sob story about ya being a lonely, country bumpkin kid an –"

Frigid violet eyes, so unlike Zack's, stared at Allis' face. It was as if the kid got a total turnaround – from a wimp to badass.

"Whatever floats your fucking boat and helps you jerk off at night. Now, have you seen the three morons or not?"

Allis fumed. Then, he smirked. "Want to suck their cocks so much?" He retorted, strutting forward smugly. "Then we can oblige you, sweet cheeks." He made to grab the pretty cadet, but instead he choked out a gurgled scream as the butt of the gun slammed into his face, breaking his nose with a sickening crack.

The surrounding cadets froze at the sickening sound.

Who could have thought that the meek little Chocobo was capable of being so…brutal?

Scratch that, who could have thought that this little Chocobo got a _gun?_

"You can oblige me by _dying,_ moron." Strife hissed out poisonously, his eyes a chilling violet, a stark contrast against his golden mane. "Either that, or you tell me where Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo are." The three names drew a blank looks onto the cadet's faces.

Hakkai? Goku? And who the heck was … Gojyo? No. Nope, never heard about them. Or had Strife suddenly became delusional or what?

It was possible… but what drug was he on? 'Cause some of them wanted that weed.

Strife swiftly ducked the oncoming attack from another idiot and casually clobbered the fool with an ease that could only come from long practice.

"If you can win…" One of the dumber cadets sneered out, leering at him, making Strife scowl at him harder." _Sweet cheeks_."

Oh, was _THAT_ the wrong thing to say…

Those demonic violet eyes narrowed, and then Strife lunged at the offender, his movements strangely elegant and flowing instead of being all chopped up like they normally were.

When the battle was over, there were broken bones, bullet wounds and the bullies learned to fear the holy terror that was one Cloud Strife.

* * *

The golden haired man looked at the miserable pile of unconscious idiots frowning. "Why does everyone call me Strife something?" He muttered to himself, scowling. "For Buddha's fucking sake, is it so hard to remember that I am _Sanzo,_ or do you fucking apes have some learning defect I don't know about?" He complained, fishing out a lighter and a cigarette. " _S-a-n-z-o._ " He addressed a couple of fools that was unfortunate enough to be still somewhat conscious. "Learn it, remember it, and leave me the hell alone, unless you want to have your empty skulls ventilated. " he growled out, making the two witnessing offenders squeak out with terror, before he stalked off muttering about something called sake and needing Hakkai and strangling a certain gender confused divine being, named Kanzeon or something.

This was the first contact of foolish Shin-Ra cadets with Genjo Sanzo, the 31st Toa of China.

Sadly for them, it wasn't the last.

Later that evening, Cloud wondered just why his fellow cadets and bunk mates were suddenly so very helpful and nervous toward him.


	2. Genesis Rhapsodos the Womanizer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The comedy of errors is continuing. This time, the vic – ahem, winner, is one lovable General, named Genesis Rhapsodos. He is accused of... womanizing? Him? Just what on Gaia is going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Saiyuki ReLoad. Nor do I own their characters; but I do own the idea and the story written therein.
> 
> Shout Out: Second part of the Final Fantasy ReLoad series. Loved to write that one, because redheads are much more fun /leers/, I recommend staying away from water and food while reading this one. Really.
> 
> Warnings: AU – verse, Saiyuki madness, Genesis experiencing his animal magnetism in all the wrong ways, and cursing.

_Genesis Rhapsodos the Womanizer_

* * *

Genesis was minding his own business, that is thinking about _Loveless_ again, and nursing his precious cup of dumbapple cider, when a beautiful woman stormed into the bar toward him and –

_SLAP!_

The Red General's face snapped on the side, his cheek smarting from the force of the slap. Blue eyes wide with disbelief and a little anger, he touched his cheek gingerly.

"What the hell, wo –"

"Don't you _dare_ to call me woman, you – you _shameless pervert!_ " the brunette beauty in a deep violet dress roared out, her amber eyes watery and her generously sized bosom trembling with suppressed fury.

Genesis' jaw slackened with shock. "Listen, you must have mistaken me – " he tried to protest, but then he was slapped by another woman. This time it was a voluptuous blonde with green eyes, clad in an olive green skirt with a white short sleeved shirt, "No, she didn't you two – timing jerk!" the blonde bombshell hissed out, making Genesis edge away from her warily. General or not, the age old adage, _'Hell Hath no fury like a woman scorned'_ took precedence.

"Genesis. _What.Did. You. Do._ " Angeal's voice was flat, making the redhead cringe at the low tone. When Angeal used that voice, it was always better to 'fess up and then grovel profusely, or _else._

"Nothing!" he protested, blue eyes wide with confusion. "They came in, hollering –"

"Nonsense, you say?" This time, it was a black – haired silver eyed girl clad in a ninja uniform, while she was playing with a pair of sharp sai knives expertly, the light glinting off the blades threateningly. "So it wasn't you who wanted to show me some very… _special_ moves?" she purred out, bending forward sexily.

Genesis blanched. "N – No!" He yelped out loudly. "You - You have all the wrong bits and even if the Goddess herself wanted me to, I wouldn't have had sex with you!"

A short, deep, profound silence. All the males inched away from their foolish, doomed fellow member who was about to be emasculated.

"Are you saying we are _fat?_ " A pretty redhead growled out, her maroon eyes flashing with ire and hurt. Genesis nodded, before he managed to caught himself. "Yes – I mean, NO!" He looked at Angeal helplessly.

"'Geal, help!"

Angeal eyed him emotionlessly. "You stained the honor of those young maidens." Angeal stated, making the women preen a bit and coo a little at him, disregarding his lover's wide – eyed look of betrayal as he looked at the seething women who already had their attention on their victim – ahem, prey.

He moved away, and Genesis gulped. Loudly.

"Ladies, he's all yours." He inclined his head, making the aforementioned ladies squeal with happiness before they began the manslaughter of one very unlucky individual, named Genesis A. Rhapsodos.


	3. A Profound Debate about a 'Weapon' or Lack Thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angeal finds out some hard truths and ooh, do they hurt. Maybe having bigger isn't always better...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Saiyuki ReLoad. Nor do I own their characters; but I do own the idea and the story written therein.
> 
> Shout Out: Third part of the Final Fantasy ReLoad series. Poking fun at Angeal was fun in more ways than one. A certain red haired kappa was more than willing to help me out with that one. Will say no more – to find out Angeal torture, read on.
> 
> Warnings: AU – verse, Saiyuki madness, Angeal finding out what 'Too Much Info' really means, and cursing.

 

* * *

_A Profound Debate about a 'Weapon' or Lack Thereof_

* * *

Later on, Angeal was trying to drown his depression in a different bar, far, far away from that cheating Rhapsodos bastard.

"Man, those chicks were rather scary." A voice said beside him. "Mind if I sit down?"

Angeal grunted, still staring at his glass of vodka, mournfully reminiscing just where had they gone wrong.

"Usual, Mr. Rhapsodos?" The bartender inquired, making Angeal's head jerk up.

"Naw. Get me the strongest stuff you got." The man sighed, slumping onto the barstool. Out of the corner of his eye, Angeal saw the man's red hair and red coat, but he was too tall and differently muscled to be Genesis.

And the scent was all wrong, too…

Fake Genesis sighed. "Out of one shit pile into another. La-de-di-dah. What I wouldn't give to have Hakkai here right now…"

"Here, Mr. Rhapsodos." The bartender placed a shot of vodka in front of the fake Genesis.

"I'm Gojyo, not that Rhapso – whatever you call the guy," The guy replied, annoyed, before snagging the glass.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Rhapsodos. " the bartender said indulgently, returning to polishing the glasses. "Having a bad hair day?"

Angeal's spine straightened out, and his eye twitched.

"Could've said that," the stranger- Gojyo - agreed sourly. "Kill the big bad, get the sutras and go back – but the bakazaru just _had_ to press that big red button, didn't he?" Angeal's lips twitched at the stranger's defeated grumbling.

"Sanzo will be apoplectic by now, the prissy bitch of a monk he is," Gojyo continued, gulping with dread.

Finally, Angeal turned his head.

And froze.

This… Gojyo could be a double of Genesis, what with his red hair and coat, except that he had some kind of antennae on his head, his face was more rugged and he had twin scars on his right cheek, leading from the corner of his right cheek down to his jaw. And the man exuded a raw masculinity like nobody's business.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear … you mentioned something about women?" Angeal's voice was gruff with tension.

"Mn?" Gojyo looked at him inquiringly, setting up to light the cig, making Angeal frown a little. Smoking was unhealthy, after all.

"Scary chicks you termed them, I believe." Angeal prodded gently.

Red eyes looked at him, half-lidded as Gojyo exhaled the smoke with the careless elegance of a long time smoker.

"Ah, those? Rather persistent bunch, but alas, no woman can escape Sha Gojyo's animal charm." Angeal stifled a growl and Gojyo had the balls to chuckle at him.

"But my womanizing days are over, I'm afraid. My lovers would have castrated me if I even thought about cheating on them. The three of them are more than enough for me."

Angeal was in process of drinking his vodka when Gojyo carelessly threw in that particular tidbit of information, and he promptly choked, gasping for air when Gojyo pounded his back harshly.

"You okay, man?" the redhead asked, concerned, but Angeal waved him off. "Fine, fine," the Black General managed to get out. "But... _Three?"_

Gojyo nodded, beaming. "Yup. They are fucking hard-asses too, but worth every moment of my fucking life I spend with them. Saru is a whiny, bottomless hole for food, and hogs the covers, Gen-chan is the prissiest asshole of the bunch – a violent one, too, and 'Kai-chan is obsessed with order and is a real mother hen."

Angeal listened to the description incredulously and warily. Gojyo was brave, masochistic or suicidal to have three girls with such… _difficult_ temperaments. And he shuddered to think about infamous 'red days' all the female population shared at least one a month.

"That still doesn't excuse you for using Genesis as a scapegoat." He pointed out rationally, dark eyes narrowing threateningly at the devil-may-care redhead beside him.

Red eyes looked at him as if he were mad. "Of course it does. Besides, it's not my fault they mistook me for that Rhapsodos dude, and he could use some time in the sack anyhow, so I did him a favor, really." Gojyo pointed out calmly, but narrowed stare of the Black General wiped his perverted smirk right off of his face.

"Uh.. Something I said?" Gojyo asked the bartender warily, but the bartender already hightailed away from the vicinity of both of them.

Angeal fingered the handle of his buster sword menacingly.

"That ' _Rhapsodos dude'_ is mine." He growled out, pissed out. "And _YOU!_ You sicced upon him those – those – hyenas, you honorless bastard!" He hissed out, while he brandished the First Tsurugi in all of its glory, making Gojyo's eyes widen, even as the redhead made space between them.

"Whoa, dude, that's a big sword you have there." Gojyo commented, and then tilted his head to the side curiously. "You compensatin' for something?"

That did it.

With an enraged roar, Angeal attacked, and his sword was halted by a strange weapon, stopping a downward slash that could have cleaved Gojyo into two.

_CLINK._

* * *

An eternity passed between the two warriors as both of their weapons were chipped slightly by the force of Angeal's blow.

Red eyes narrowed with irritation. "Ch. First that dumb bakazaru and now you. " Gojyo jerked the shakuoujo back, twirling it once so that the moon shaped crescent pointed at the man. "Now I gotta chip away something of yours. Preferably something dangling from between your legs, if you don't mind."

Angeal, however, stared at the chipped section of his blade, horrified. Never – ever - was his beloved Tsurugi's blade chipped, but this stranger just – just –

He felt a sting as his eyes watered with anguish. His honor…. His precious honor was stained and the bastard who had done that heinous deed –

Narrowing his eyes, he separated the sword into two halves, making Gojyo whistle softly with momentary wonder.

Red eyes looked from Angeal to the two swords the Black General held in his hands, and back.

"Oh – kay. Now, I _definitely_ know you're compensating." Gojyo commented, grinning.

Growling with white hot fury coursing in his veins, Angeal attacked the brat.

Much later, he would cry for his sword's grievous wound. Yes, right now he had to skewer the honorless bastard and make the shish – kabob out of his red haired ass.

He really, really began to loathe redheads.

In an immortal words of generations of many Nara men... redheads were just too troublesome to deal with.


End file.
